Tag Archives: therapy

therapy

So much in my mind while driving, then so little when I get home. Actually, lots when I get home but it’s all action items: laundry, lunch, email, texts (occasionally), real mail, bills. Some of it involves sitting down at the computer and the blog site is always there, waiting.

This morning I went to see a psychiatrist. My regular therapist, a psychologist, is moving and closing her practice here in the Bay Area. A couple of weeks ago, when I was making appointments, I was in a downward trend so I thought I should at least look into the idea of medication for depression, thus the psychiatrist.

By the time today actually rolled around I was feeling pretty decent. I worked one night, Tuesday, since last weekend and I’ve gotten a lot done that’s been hanging fire for a while. Not only my laundry and groceries, but my taxes and a visit to Mom & Dad’s.

So I told the psychiatrist my sad story and cried a little, remembering, but I didn’t feel hopeless, panicked, suicidal, or any of those other symptoms she was looking for. My only major symptom now is I’m still having trouble sleeping. She said I could start a low dose of a different medication from what I had (some years) before but I could see her heart wasn’t in it. Neither was mine, so we parted amiably with a promise to be in touch if anything changed.

I have one more session with Dr Perry, with another one scheduled with another therapist – only an MFT this time – next week. It’s good to talk with someone but I believe equally important is the usual stay healthy rules: eat well, get enough sleep, exercise. I’m renewing my commitment to reduce my work hours and do more for myself. Stay tuned.

feelings

I think originally this was going to be a post about being depressed. When I described how I felt to my therapist after the weekend in July that’s what she said it was. That led to some good conversation but minimal improvement until this week.

Actually it was a couple of weeks ago that I started to improve. I got a guitar lesson and did better with my exercises (PT). I look at my posts over the time before that and I see ‘reaction’, ‘more reaction’, ‘killed’, ‘reality’, ‘legacy’, ‘work’ – pretty bleak.

And that’s just what I actually wrote. It’s a lot less than I wanted to write and it’s not as bleak as what I was thinking.

Anyway, last week I took my guitar to the Fall Semester’s first meeting of the Skyline Jazz Band. There were many familiar faces and they were all glad to see me. That felt good. I was able to follow the charts reasonably well so I decided I would try to stick with it.

Now tonight is the first night I have at home this week and I had great plans but I happened to look at my work email and discovered some things that could not be ignored. Aargh! Now I’m all pissy again.

I whined and got tomorrow off so hopefully I can recover. I have work Friday and Saturday days only then two days off. Next week is the Gala opening for the Symphony so there is much chaos at Davies Symphony Hall.

I’ll try to post something more coherent tomorrow.

dishes

I did my dishes this morning. 6 breakfast cereal bowls, one small plate, a couple of plastic containers, a couple of water glasses, and some silverware. That represents all the meals I’ve eaten at home for the last week. I worked through the dinner hour 5 of the last six days. The sixth, Monday, I drove up to Sacramento to record a part for Tom’s album & stayed up there for dinner.

I didn’t really work through the dinner hour. All I mean is that I wasn’t home for dinner for six days in a row.

I counted up my work days per month for the year this morning. 15, 13, 13, 16, 21, & June will have 13 after tomorrow. Except for May, that’s not too bad. I’m certainly grateful to have the work but given that many of those days are longer than 8 hours, it can be tough. Heading home last night I was whipped. Even though I felt I hadn’t done a lot, I was at work from 8 in the morning until 10 at night. That was pretty much the story for the last week and will be the story for the next three days.

The maintenance needed light came on in my car Monday and I haven’t done anything about it. (Just realized it might just be the oil change timer which is bogus.) I was going to call the garage yesterday and arrange to get in in this morning but I didn’t. Today I have physical therapy followed by mental therapy in San Mateo this afternoon so leaving it somewhere for the day was never an option. This morning I’m engaged in the mental therapy of writing in this blog.

Whine, whine, whine.  I’m still happy to have reduced my use of ibuprofen. Whether that’s because of the exercises or something else is impossible to say. Maybe next week I’ll have fierce headaches every day. It does happen.

Finally, Zach. Pretty soon everyone will converge here in California to release his ashes to the earth. Not really everyone; perhaps not even those he was closest to, but a largely self-chosen group of relatives. After some contentious moments, it looks like we have a plan and everyone is on board.